Christmas Cookie Rules

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calories free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.


5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!


7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage


9. Any cookies consumed from someone elses plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!


I found this on a recipe site and thought is was HIGH-larious! It reminds me of my grandmother (the one who taught me how to cook) who always said: "Any food scraped out of a dish/bowl with your first two fingers doesn't count"...My mom said she could scrape about a fist full of food with those two fingers!
 
TTFN

FunkyTown is now without a Mayor!

The Mayor of Funkytown has resigned~I do not know what has been going on with me the past few weeks, but today it's O-fficial--I was so funked I didn't feel like baking cookies to sell at the Holy Cross Bazaar yesterday. And I will do almost anything for a buck !  :))
The bazaar was a great success~they had some competition from the Magdalen holiday market, but for only their second year in existence, it seemed to be well received. I sold lots of  cookbooks and saw some people I haven't seen for years. The vendors at these markets are always sooo nice and helpful...
I am making Chicken Chili for dinner tonight--let's hope it gets cold enough to eat it--we may have to go outside to get "chilly"!
This week I am going on a marketing spree for The Diva. I tried to get a couple of store in Buhler to carry it-Adrian's said she would, but her cookbook is coming out this fall and.....I totally understand. Then I went into a salon/gift shop that was cute and funky, but they said they weren't interested...Bah Humbug....but this will not get me down. Even if no other cities than Wichita and Winfield carry my book, I have conquered my biggest fear: Approaching strangers and trying to sell them something. Joke 'em if they can't take a _ _ _ _ (you fill in the lines)
Speaking of Buhler, my new bff Tara (a/k/a Louise--or Thelma depending on the day) and I went to this thriving metropolis on Friday and had a blast!! We ate at Lavonns and I'm telling you it was the best lunch I've had in a long time~veronikas with ham gravy (yummy!) , sausage (yummy!) ,bierock (yummy!) , party potatoes (yummy!) and 3...YES 3 kinds of pie (chocolate cream, coconut cream and berry) YUM YUM and YUM
I had to bring 3/4 of it home but it was divine!!! And as soon as we entered the restaurant, the cook started giving us attitude--it just added more spice to the meal. :) They were very gracious hosts and were delightful to talk to.
For the rest of the day we drove around Doodah looking for fabulous estate sales (there were none) and belting out disco tunes from Syrius radio. I said I would NEVER pay for radio, but Friday almost changed my mind. The tunes were amazing~

I'm off to tend the chili....oh how I love fall

TTFN

October mania

I cannot believe it's been over a month since I posted something! Alot has happened in a month~~I turned 50....No big whoop except had a kick ass party @ El Rodeo with alot of good friends(and the little short one didn't lick my neck!!--trust me that's good news:)
Well, maybe not so much has happened, but it seems like I've been busy.
Baking a sh*&load of Halloween cookies.......
Starting an exercise regime.....
Well crap--my life has been pretty boring these past few weeks.

Maybe I should rename this post "Yawn"

Hopefully my funk will pass and I will be inspired to write something clever/interesting soon.....

Sorry folks....that's 2 minutes you will never get back....:))

TTFN

Funky Town

8 days.....
8 Frickin days until I turn 50.....leading up to this (having a September birthday has had it's advantages and disadvantages--more on that in a bit) I have said to my friends who were approaching this milestone "Thirty was hard for me--Forty was great...I don't think fifty is going to bother me at all"....I am such a liar.
I am getting into such a fall funk it isn't even funny! Every fall, I get a little depressed, but I always snap out of it when my birthday is in sight. Or the weather turns cool..maybe that's it--the weather....I want crisp, cool weather to be here NOW--for Chrissakes (a famous Wally Balzrick line) it's September and i can't even bear to put on my regular shoes! These flip flops are getting pretty worn out--although this year I bought them at Walmart as opposed to Old Navy and I have to say the Wally world ones are wearing much better!
Ok back to my funk
The disadvantages of having a September birthday date back to when I was in high school and everyone was turning 18 before me and using their OWN ID"S to get into bars--I had to use a fake one of course until I went to KU--and then I didn't even turn 18 until about 6 weeks into the year! Same thing when I was almost 21....
But the advantages have far outweighed the disadvantages: (and I told everyone this when they were all flaunting their ID's in my face)--"Well, when you turn 30-40-50---I will only be 29-39-49!!" Ha
Like everything I shoot my mouth off about, it is biting me in the ass right now....LOL
I am going out to dinner with some girls (who are all 50 already, except for that bitch Teri...LOL) tonight to celebrate--should be a great time! Maybe this is the kick off I need~~
And I am going to have some cocktails.....shoot I don't have a job to "wake up' to--who cares if I'm a tad hungover???
come to the Candle Club tonight if you're in the area and have a drinkie with me....who knows? Maybe you'll be the one to snap me out of my funk! :)

TTFN

Apple Pie

My friend, Sarah Beck, owner of Beck's Farm (check it out www.becksfarm.com) gave me some apples fresh from the tree on Saturday with one caveat~~ here's how it went:
Sarah: "Nancy, if I give you some apples, will you make me a pie?"
Me: "Sure!"

Not clever bantering, but we got our points across. The recipe can be found in The Dish Diva cookbook--this is the pie that my friend Jim Lee called orgasmic...:) Macintosh apples, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and butter.....and <snifffff> it's fresh out of the oven~

Also whipped up an apple crisp (with crisp mix from Beck's Farm too) --pictures to follow--I haven't baked it yet!
AND am baking mini brownies to test out this cool pan I found at Big Lots for $7....it looks like an ice cube tray and make little brownies that ALL have crispy edges.....nom nom nom
I may find out soon enough why this marvelous contraption was $7--or I could've stumbled onto something WAY cool.....Will know in approx  11 min 35 sec....

TTFN

Indian Cooking Class

So sorry I've been gone for so long--I've been dreaming up new ways to get The Dish Diva to the masses and dealing with my parents....that would be a whole 'nother blog.....
Why did I foolishly think I would have some time in between the time my kids grew up and my parents would start requiring constant attention??? Lord it's like I've traded 2 teenagers for 2 toddlers--and these toddlers aren't sweet and cuddly EVER! yes I am blessed to have them in my life,,,,,and yes I will miss them terribly when they are gone.....but REALLY.....don't ask for my help if you aren't going to heed it and are literally going to bark at the workers who are trying to make you feel better....Note to my friends: if i EVER start to act like that, shoot me...ok?
Enought about that
I am going to a cooking class tonight that Tanya Tandoc is teaching--Indian cooking! I am excited! I dont cook Indian food--truth be told, I don't eat it either....so I am really stepping outside my box.
It's a Adriene Rathbun's house....she offers some way cool classes~~check out her website
http://findyourwingsocial.com/

Tonights menu is:
Tanya’s Spicy Indian


We all know Tanya’s got spice for life, so join us as she lights our taste buds on fire!

Chicken Tikka Masala
Saag Paneer
Prathas
Coconut Chutney
Tamarind Chutney
 
Being the foodie I am, I shouldn't admit this, but I have NO idea what half that stuff is.....:))
 
Wish me luck!!
 
TTFN

Book publishing world

Greetings!
I was going to title this "Frustration", but thought I'd better not start on a negative note. I am terribly frustrated as the small fish in this great big world of publishing. I don't have an agent, or a publisher or a publicist for that matter. They sure don't make it easy for us little guys.
Long story short:
I needed an ISBN# to distribute The Dish Diva on Amazon, B & N, etc....so I purchased one.
What "they" didn't tell me was I had to purchase a "special package" along with it so they would register said number with the proper authorities. Grrrrrr.....
Although if this is the worst thing that happens to me this week, I should consider myself lucky. I suppose it's the universes' way of saying "HEY-we're still watching. You didn't actually think you could skate for awhile, did you???"
Sigh
On a brighter note, my hair looks fabulous!

TTFN